It’s Time to Tell Your Life Story
“Everyone has a book inside of them, but it doesn’t do any good until you pry it out.” -Jodi Picoult, bestselling author
Introduction
Leaving our story unsung is a tragic waste of the wisdom we’ve gained over a lifetime that could potentially help family, friends and future generations remember us long after we graduate from this life to the next.
This class focuses on telling The Story of Your Life as a collection of short memoirs, grouped chronologically in four basic categories; 1. Early Childhood, 2. School/College, 3. Marriage/Family/Career and 4. Retirement.
Students are provided with a list of 150+ prompting questions designed to help you focus and reflect upon key memories from each season of life. There are also an additional 60 prompting questions for those who would like to include their spiritual biography with your autobiography here.
To start I recommend choosing 40-50 questions to write on for 30-60 minutes per sitting. If you can write daily, by the end of the 5-weeks you would have a collection of memoirs to begin forming your autobiography. If you write for just an hour weekly, you could complete your autobiography within one year.
Here is a draft of The Story of My Life which contains 50 short memoirs that I completed in 60 days! I‘m excited to gift a printed copy to each of my 4 daughters, 10 grandkids and 4 greatgrands for Christmas 2023!
Here are a few of the 150+ memory-prompting questions:
- Write about your earliest memory. What do you see? Was anyone you with? Does it have a special meaning to you now?
- Describe your first job. How much did you earn? Were you a good employee? On good terms with the boss?
- Who has influenced your life the most? Why? How have you changed as a result of this person?
The goal of this class is to have fun remembering what has shaped your life so far, what you hope to accomplish in your remaining years, and then presenting a copy of your autobiography to your loved ones as a keepsake.
I also include discussions on how to incorporate your spiritual awakening biography — from waking up, to growing up, to cleaning up, to opening up —which bridges both Eastern and Western wisdom/spiritual traditions.
The first class assignment is to create a theme, or purpose statement for your memoirs/autobiography. Taking some time to reflect and write down a short, one-paragraph life summary, or obituary, is a good starting point.
Why? Because this forces you to reflect upon (and condense) your entire lifetime into a single paragraph. In your own words you’re telling your family (and the world) in a nutshell how you hope to be remembered.
While writing your own obit may seem a bit morbid, the truth is that reflection upon your own death can provide added meaning to daily life. For example, here’s a short obituary I wrote when facing my own mortality:
Michael David Bradshaw (1953–2022) affectionately known as ‘ideaman’ passed peacefully of natural causes. His passion was helping others discover that they were created in love, as a reflection of the image of God. In his professional work as a financial writer he sought to help readers discern economic reality and grasp that true wealth transcends ‘money’. His book reviews/songs expressed his joy in promoting closer relationships — both human and divine. David is survived by his four loving daughters, ten grandchildren and three great grandchildren.
Your life purpose statement could as short as one sentence or a paragraph. Having this as your central theme will help your memoirs and autobiography flow together.
Additional help prompting your memories could come from; old photo albums, letters written/received from loved ones, favorite songs, old movies, etc.
For a free copy of the pdf version of the workbook which includes 150+ prompting questions to get started right away, please visit www.myideafactory.net or email: ideaman@myideafactory.net.
If you cannot attend the local class at Sarasota ACE right now, below is what I covered in the last class, complete with videos. Good Luck!
Class 1 — The Big Picture
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw * WATCH VIDEO *
1. Why Write Your Life Story?
The purpose of writing your autobiography is twofold; 1) To create a record of small snapshots of your life for OTHERS to gain from your accumulated life wisdom, joys, sorrows and lessons, 2) To remind YOU of who you really are by stimulating fond memories of your life, and to help integrate your small self with your BIG True Self.
As we age it is vital to invest some time reflecting upon what is most important to us. Saint Augustine said, “Know Thyself”. This life review can also help us to resolve any fractured relationships, bitterness or unforgiveness we may still be holding on to.
Reflecting upon the past helps us become more grateful in the present, and hopeful about the future. Today more than ever our children and grandchildren need true elders who can help them face the adversities of life and encourage them about how we’ve overcome them in our lifetime.
Lastly, this class serves as a community of encouragement and accountability. Together with other classmates we can stay motivated to actually finish our autobiography, as a gracious gift to your family and to you. Let your family/friends know you are doing this and watch their faces light up — likely they will even have some photos or information to add.
2. Class Resources Needed:
A 3-ring binder, lined paper and 4 colored subject divider tabs — or a college ruled notebook with at least four dividers… OR a laptop computer… OR smart phone with voice-to-text recording capability.
A copy of the 150+ prompting questions.
A commitment to answer 6–8 questions per week and attend all classes. I recommend writing 30–60 minutes/day for a total minimum of 6–7 hours/week for 8 weeks, 50 hours total.
Please note that this process can be modified and stretched out from 2 months to 6 months or a year, depending upon your time availability.
3. Class Format:
The in-person class to be held locally at Suncoast Tech College in the Fall of 2023 will be flexible, consisting of teaching time, discussion time, sharing time by students, and writing time on prompting questions of your choice.
Students will be asked to write at for least 60 minutes a week, which will allow them to produce 4 new memoirs per month. If you miss any classes, YouTube videos and outlines of assignments are posted below.
The end result will be a collection of 50+ memoirs spanning your lifetime, arraigned chronologically, to form your autobiography. This draft could be added to over time, further edited, published in any quantity and then given to your family/friends. Literally the gift of a lifetime! Your lifetime!
4. Class Assignment #1:
1. The first class assignment is to create a theme, or purpose statement for your autobiography.
You can either begin by writing your most recent memories first, and then work backwards in time, OR write your stories chronologically, OR write them as then come to your memory and file them chronologically later.
2. To begin, choose 12–15 questions from each of the four sections in the 150+ Prompting Questions which strike you as good topics
3. Start writing! Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class… Good luck!
Class 2 — On Writing Well
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw — WATCH VIDEO
Four Elements of Writing Well
According to William Zinser in his book On Writing Well there are 4 important elements of writing:
- Clarity. The goal in writing should be clarity. The key is editing and re-editing the first draft. If you can’t make your point clearly, there’s no reason to read it.
- Simplicity. Avoid clutter and unnecessary words. Strip the sentences down of any fat and pretentiousness. A simple style represents very hard work.
- Brevity. Writing is like a good watch, it functions smoothly with no extra parts to get in the way. Use short words instead of long word. Short sentences, rather than long ones. Short paragraphs. Most first draft can be cut by 50%.
- Humanity. This is crucial. Be natural. Be conversational. Sound like yourself. Who you are is more important than the subject that you’re writing about.
Writing is a craft, learning to use the tools of good English requires logical thinking. Writing is also hard and usually requires at least 3–4 rewrites to streamline it.
Writing is talking to someone on paper, just like you would avoid putting on airs in speaking because they dilute the message and your authority. The same is true in writing. Learn to cut down your copy and enjoy doing it. Most readers can only process one idea per sentence.
All writing is a journey. You are asking the reader to go with you on a trip. Make it clear, interesting and enjoyable and make it sound like who you really are.
Self-esteem and self discipline, or critical in writing. Believe in yourself, confidence is a vanishing commodity express your individuality. Develop good work habits. You learn to write by writing. The magic of a word processor is to be able to reimagine each sentence and paragraph.
Block out time to regularly. Write every day writing is also visual, short words and sentences are attractive and relate to our own lives.
Use active verbs versus passive verbs. (Walk, run, speak, launch, build) It will make your writing stronger, give it momentum, whereas passive verbs are dead and fuzzy. (“The ball was thrown by the pitcher”… “The novel was read by Mom” vs. “Mom read the novel”
Use good nouns. Good writing can be like show-and-tell that reveals your deepest emotions. Good nouns could include: house, home, sky, tree, crash, earth, chair, child. Words that bring on emotions. Bad nouns are words that are more ethereal, more concept-oriented, like instruction, orientation with 3 to 5 syllables. Never ask readers to ask themselves “What does this mean?”
Write about your passions, hobbies, work and travel. To write good English, read good English find the best authors/models in your field.
On writing well, Part II
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw — WATCH VIDEO
Listen to what you write. Read it aloud and you will hear repetition, clichés, cloudiness. Replace them with freshness and surprise.
There’s nothing more interesting than the truth. Trust your material to make your point, rather than repeating and explaining your point in detail.
Quotations add to the credibility. Learn the skill of interviewing others. Always be sincere and tell a story keep it human.
Tips on writing a memoir…
Telling our life story is one of the strongest human urges. The next generation tends not to be interested in our stories until we are gone and it’s too late.
Readers don’t necessarily want every detail of our life, just the interesting chunks. To write good memoirs, you must become the editor of your life.
If an autobiography is the whole iceberg, memoirs are just the most interesting tips of the iceburg. They focus on a particular period of time or place.
Write with honesty. Memoirs are going through a Renaissance right now. We live in confessional times, but too many victimhood memoirs are giving memoir writing a bad name.
Two things make for a good memoir, art and craft. Art involves the integrity of our intention, expressing our soul, being true to our own best self
Craft involves good construction: peace, momentum, being interesting and coherent. A good memoir is grounded in some type of universal truth.
How to begin?
Writing memoirs does not always follow a predictable road map that you make in advance.
The art of writing well gradually tells you what your story is really all about.
Choose vivid memories, one episode of your life with a beginning, middle and end.
The subconscious mind plays a big role in memoirs, because one memory leads to another.
Consider your writing during the first month as the warm-up to help you find your voice and style.
Decide what to leave out by keeping a unified theme intact.
Don’t be in a hurry to find the size and shape of your memoirs. Let your memoirs find you.
Class 3 — The Learning Tree
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw — WATCH VIDEO
Learning is Taught and Caught
During our early education we learn everything from our ABC’s to our 1,2,3s. This “beginners mind” allows children to gather lots of information, much of which they’re unsure of how it will help them to navigate their future. But, just as important as what we are taught in classrooms, is what we have caught from the lives of parents, grandparents and other elders.
“When young and old connect, it’s like joining the poles of a battery. Together we generate energy for personal and social change that age-segregated society cuts off… the young yearn for us to take an interest in them, their fears, their dreams, and their futures,” writes Parker J. Palmer.
Even before children begin to navigate elementary school subjects and socialization they begin to recognize their own personality, strengths and weaknesses. Unconditional family love is vital to child development.
“The glory of family love,” writes C. S. Lewis in The Four Loves,“It unites those who would otherwise not come together… Family love teaches us first to endure, then to enjoy — affection causes us to notice the goodness in others.”
During our pre-school days we also learn the value of friendship. True friendships are much more than mere companionship or comradery, usually involving strongly shared values and activities. Later parents’ and grandparents’ influence often fades as friendships and peer groups grow. Elder’s have an opportunity to serve as youngers face growing pains, broken friendships and rejection.
Another important part of youthful education is learning how to treat the opposite sex, dating and romance. Parents often set boundaries, which may or may not be adhered to. These precious teenage years offer elders an opportunity to model for youngers a healthy healing of heartbreaks, forgiveness of bad behavior, as well as serving as a safe harbor of unconditional love.
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from section 1 on Youth.
Class 4 — Ego Built Early… Dismantled Later
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw -WATCH VIDEO
The Healing Cycle of Birth, Lifetime and Death
Our earliest experience as an infant is a magical time of connection, with both our mother as well as with our Creator, or as some call it “the Ground of Being.” This is state of Divine union reflects our original goodness, purity and total surrender. It is this luminosity that is perceived and experienced in the presence of a new-born infant which parents witness at this earliest stage of self which evokes love.
In early childhood we begin to build our ego and at our death (or a result of spiritual practices) we must let go of our ego. As we grow, the ego-self moves toward increasing differentiation, “a dawning sense of me,” as Kathleen Singh puts it in THE GRACE IN DYING. This developing consciousness of the child establishes the “First Dualism” between self and not-self — very relevant because it also represents the final letting go stage of the dying.
This First Dualism launches us into a lifetime journey into ego building and spawns our concept of space and time. We begin to make distinctions between past, present, and future, which births the “Second Dualism” — the distinction between life and death. These first two dualisms, which develop in early childhood, seek to divide and separate everything, our thoughts from our feelings, thus removing us from experiencing wholeness and the unquestioning place of Love from which we came.
Next comes the “Third Dualism” — between mind and body, which is usually developed in the early to middle childhood years. According to Singh, “The loss is immense. We lose our deep integrity, the unity of body and mind, the unity of feeling and attention — the ability to be present.”
The “Fourth Dualism” — our persona, a division between our acceptable self-image and our shadow self, which consists of all the parts of our self that we cannot see or that we disown. “Our personal consciousness believes in its apparent independence and self-control.” In early adulthood years “we become lost in our own dramas; we forget our Original Nature and goodness,” writes Singh.
It is most interesting that the healthy ego-building of the first half of life is followed by a healthy ego-decline in the second half of life. Elders are able to see this full cycle of life from a much broader perspective and therefore have much to share with youngers that can help them become whole humans rather than dualistically fragmented, as so many are.
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from section 1 on Youth.
Class 5 — From My Story to The Story
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw * WATCH VIDEO *
From “My Story” to “Our Story” to “The Story”
We left off discussing the two halves of life and how they both need each other. Sadly, many in their 20s, 30s, 40s and even 50s are still so caught up in survival and seeking upward mobility in their job/career, future dreams and busyness with children that they miss a great deal in the present moment.
“Our life is frittered away by detail…Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! Let our affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand.” -Henry David Thoreau. This is easier said than done during the midlife years — there’s so many distractions and so little free time for reflection. That is why elders serve as important mentors to youngers, to help them “wake up” to enjoy life, despite its many pitfalls.
Moving from a childish, egocentric life and worldview to a more mature, inclusive mindset is a gradual process, sometimes taking many decades… if ever. Philosopher, author and futurist Ken Wilbur in A Brief History of Everything estimates that the vast majority (about 60–70%) of the world today is stuck at either the egocentric (my story) or ethnocentric (tribal/our story) levels of consciousness.
Wilbur says that following “waking up” the next big step up is surrendering to the process of “growing up” — which takes time, inner work, and frankly a fair amount of letting to of the small false self in pursuit of the larger True Self. This requires some spiritual practices of connecting the head and heart.
In midlife we begin to move from “My Story” (egocentric) to “Our Story” (ethnocentric) to “The Story” (cosmocentric). We need all three stages, but ultimate fulfillment is only possible as we learn how to fit ‘my/our’ story into a larger ‘the’ story of unconconditional love for everyone and everything.
Every phase of life, from marriage to child rearing, to navigating our career, gives us opportunities to make the choice; to either try to change adverse circumstances, or to allow these circumstances to change us.
A willingness to let go of our preconceived notions of success, or rightness, is the sign of maturity, regardless of age. If elders do not show youngers how to let go of adverse situations… who will?
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before next class on section 2 on Education/College.
Class 6 — Education and Transformation
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw — WATCH VIDEO
How Mature Love Overcomes Fear
Did you know the most common one-liner in the Bible is “Do not be afraid” (365 times!) It requires faith and love to overcome fear. But our school days can be full of fearful circumstances which can only be fully understood from a wider perspective later stage. This is why youngers need elders to reassure them that regardless of how difficult a crisis they face “this too will pass”.
Elder’s who offer a written testimony of how they have survived (and hopefully overcome and thrived) amid our greatest fears offers youngers something solid to hold on to during their storms of life — even if we cannot be there to hold on to them in person.
In our mature years we have a changed and expanded capacity to love — to hold both good and bad, light and dark with less anxiety and to transmit this ability to embrace paradox on to others around us. While youngers define themselves by differentiation (or exclusivity), elders in contrast look for commonalities (inclusivity).
Youngers often stumble upon some very adverse circumstances which cause them to step back and rethink their life goals and face the reality of their so-called “shadow” or “false” self. This can be painful because this not-so-bright persona (or stage mask) is what we refuse to see about our self — and especially don’t want others to see! Write about both your biggest pleasures and biggest pains.
This false self-image (or idealized role as mother, father, doctor, nice person, professor, etc.) can trap us into lifelong self-delusion. This is where the elder’s second half of life wisdom and healthy self-critical thinking can help youngers see beyond their shadow’s disguise to find their larger, real self.
Elders can model to young adults that true joy and freedom comes in giving to others because there is no longer a need to impress others with things, houses, travel or knowledge. Elders are the “grand” parents to the world — children and adults feel safe and loved around them. Elders can help youngers see that education (learning more facts) is not the same as transformation (applying new information to affect a change of lifestyle).
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from section 2 on Education/College.
Class 7 — Midlife Transitions
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw * WATCH VIDEO *
The Art of Letting Go
Richard Rohr’s bestselling book, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life explains, “In my opinion the first half of life task is no more than finding the starting gate…the warmup act, not the full journey.”
“The usual crossover points are a kind of ‘necessary suffering’ and ‘homesickness’. Our unique little bit of heaven is installed by the Manufacturer within the product at the beginning! We are given a span of years to discover it, to choose it, and to live our own destiny to the fullest, to discover our True self.”
In his book, “The Art of Letting Go,” Rohr describes “Nine Stages of Maturity” in simple, non-technical terms. He stresses that the more advanced (or evolved) levels of consciousness should always include all of the previous levels, rather than excluding them, which usually requires deep compassion and patience. To model this inclusiveness to youngers is an important role of a true elder.
Rohr emphasizes that ongoing personal and spiritual growth usually requires some type of a loss at each new successive stage of consciousness, which serves to prod us onward. This “art of letting go” helps us move to further stages.
A ship is safe at harbor, but that is not what a ship is made for. Many have thought of retirement as a harbor that, if we can just reach it and drop anchor, we will be safe from the gales, travails and burden of life’s work. In this harbor, we thought when young, life will become perpetual vacation. With maturity, we discover that our deepest yearning is not to stop but to go on — to discover and fulfill what we were made for, exploring new worlds of our heart, dreams and soul.
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from Section 3 on Marriage/Family/Career.
Class 8 — The Two Halves of Life
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw * WATCH VIDEO *
Order → Disorder → Reorder
What’s the happiest time of life? Early 20s and early 70s, say psychology researchers and polls. Our 20s because our whole adult life is still ahead of us, full of limitless hopes, dreams, and opportunities… Our 70s because we have let go of our early dreams and embraced the realities of life and yet we’re content.
“The greatest and most important problems of life are unsolvable. We must outgrow them.” — Carl Jung.
You might even say that we learn more by doing things wrong… than by doing them right! Aging is a privilege. With age comes wisdom, and reflecting on past experiences can serve not only as our cherished memories, but also as grounds to impart our hard-won knowledge to younger generations.
“What is great in the morning is of little importance in the evening.” -Carl Jung. What Jung observed is that our life is roughly divided into two halves. The first half task: creating a proper container, our identity and survival. Second half task: finding what the container is really meant to hold and deliver.
The usual crossover point between first and second half of life is some type of loss, suffering or unforeseen crisis. A loss of job, marriage, family member, health, etc. This falling point becomes either a point of further growth, or further decline, depending upon our perspective.
As we age, Rohr says we see this life pattern; order -> disorder -> reorder… life, death, resurrection… is not the exception but rather the norm. “First comes the fall, then the recovery. Both are the mercy of God.” -Lady Julian of Norwich. This is a key life principle elders are able to share with youngers!
The great problem with modern American culture is that the vast majority of youngers (and far too many elders) are stuck in the first half of life for their entire life!
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from section 3 on Marriage/Family/Career.
Class 9: — From Retirement to Re-inspirement
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw * WATCH VIDEO *
A Generational Shift
Webster defines “retire” as: “1: to withdraw from action or danger, 2: to retreat for privacy, 3: to move backward, 4: to withdraw from occupation, conclude working or career.” All four of these “withdrawals” mark the end of a season of life. But “where should we go from here?” is the question.
Today another 10,000 Baby Boomers will turn sixty-five. That’s over 3 million Boomers a year entering a “new stage” of life — for the next decade! Today 7,500 Greatest Generation seniors will pass into eternity, many of which will never understand their true life purpose nor record it for posterity.
Millennials, as well as generations X, Y and Z need our help to become all they can be! Let’s shift into gear, use our many gifts and help them move from surviving to THRIVING! Lets demonstrate to every generation how to become a NEW Greatest Generation!
Statisticians report U.S. life expectancy in the 21st century will be ninety years or more. Ready or not, one-third of the population will enter this new season of life — scarcely imagined 50 or 100 years ago — without a rite of passage or road map. Your autobiography can help serve as this road map.
His book The Big Shift author and founder of Cogenerate.org Marc Freedman, makes an impassioned call for boomers and seniors to accept the decades opening up between midlife and old age for what they really are — an entirely new stage of life, which he dubs the “encore” years.
“We’re envisioning this chapter,” writes Freedman, “as a time when we make some of our most important contributions, for ourselves, for our world, for the well-being of future generations.”
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from the Retirement section.
Class 10— How to Live Forever
Telling Your Life Story by M. David Bradshaw — WATCH VIDEO
Ending Age-Segregation!
How To Live Forever: The Enduring Power of Connecting The Generations by Marc Freedman
Introduction
TODAY there’s a transformational movement beginning to gain traction worldwide among baby boomers to reimagine their second half of life.
“How To Live Forever” by Marc Freedman offers readers a preview into this brave new inter-generational future where the gifts and talents of an aging population fit hand-in-glove to meet the needs of a younger generation seeking the encouragement of true mentors.
Author and founder of Encore.org Marc Freedman presents an impassioned call to readers to accept the longevity decades now opening up between midlife and old age as an entirely new stage of life, which he dubs the “encore” years.
Marc’s last bestseller, THE BIG SHIFT (2012) Freedman leads readers on an exciting guided tour of the growth of ‘Third Stage of Life’ thinking over the last century — marking the end of the retirement era popularized over the last 90 years — a second chance at fulfillment and contribution.
In his latest inspired sequel Freedman asserts something rather obvious yet often overlooked; the young and the old are built for each other. “The old are driven by a deep desire to be needed by and to nurture the next generation; the young have a need to be nurtured,” writes Freedman.
Marc has followed his passion to engage older people’s untapped talents to help alleviate young people’s unmet needs over the last three decades, with ambitious projects including; Encore.org, Civic Ventures, Experience Corps and now Gen2Gen.org.
Freedman feels strongly that modern American culture has been age-segregated for far too long, which has stunted a deeply rooted instinct to connect the generational chain. Marc encourages boomers to “resist the mandate to go off in pursuit of their own second childhood. Instead of trying to be young, we should focus on being there for those who actually are [young].” FULL BOOK REVIEW
Assignment: Set a goal of writing answers to as many of your chosen questions as possible before the next class from the Retirement section.
Class 11: The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grow Older
By Kathleen Dowling Singh — WATCH VIDEO
Introduction
Today there’s a transformational movement gaining traction worldwide to reimagine the second half of life. The Grace in Aging challenges readers to embrace the aging process physically, emotionally and spiritually, rather than seeking to forever preserve their fleeting youth and midlife.
By embracing the ripening process we find the joy and peace of being content and present to what life brings each day. Rather than striving to achieve or maintain an illusory V.I.P. status, readers are encouraged to stop and ask: “What is really important to achieve during the rest of my life?”
Now, writes Kathleen, is the time to abandon the lifelong pursuit of ego-building upward mobility and instead begin to embrace ego-dismantling downward mobility, that is, to learn the grace of becoming nobody special.
Book 2 in series on The Grace of Dying, Aging and Living by Kathleen Dowling Singh
As over 80 million Americans face this new world of being over sixty, Kathleen encourages us to focus on awakening to the magnificent opportunity this season of life offers to practice the presence of God in preparation for the challenges ahead of growing old and dying.
Speaking of dying, several years ago while my beloved mother was in the final stages of dementia, I read and reviewed Kathleen’s classic book, The Grace in Dying: A Message of Hope, Comfort and Spiritual Transformation.
This extraordinary book reveals Kathleen’s deep understanding of the nearing death experience as only a seasoned, spiritually-driven hospice nurse present for hundreds of life-death transitions could.
Readers are introduced to the largely unknown steps of the nearing death experience in which the ego-self is systematically dismantled on our deathbed — what she refers to as “enlightenment at gunpoint.”
From her perspective, “aging gracefully” is no accident. It requires taking intentional steps, just as becoming a true elder requires more than just getting old. The following are 33 points which helped me awaken after reading The Grace in Aging. I hope they will also speak to you.
FULL STORY
Class 12: Writing Your Spiritual Biography
Waking Up, Growing Up, Cleaning Up, Showing Up
Introduction
There is much to be gained by reflecting upon your spiritual path in life so far. In our latest Telling Your Life Story class at we discussed this topic in detail. (class video)
Scientists tell us every cell in our body carries a unique DNA code: 1) to bring the cell to maturity and reproduction, and 2) to bring the cell into harmony and integration with the entire organism. It’s part of God’s design.
As in the physical realm, so in the spiritual realm. God has placed within every person an individual destiny of maturity and reproduction and a corporate destiny to integrate with the whole of mankind. Transformed people seek to find their place of service to help transform the world.
During this present season of spiritual awakening, it is helpful to have a framework that can orient our spiritual practice and our progress. Author, philosopher and futurist Ken Wilbur introduced a frame into the Integral lexicon called “wake up, grow up, clean up, show up”. This simple framework has gone viral and many have benefited from its use.
1a) From Tasting to Hungering for Spiritual Growth
Kathleen Singh has done the universe a great favor in explaining the value of writing down your own personal spiritual awakening biography in her book The Grace in Living: Recognize it, Trust it, Abide in it, which describes the four-stage movement into “being” beyond the small ego self.
Kathleen describes our spiritual development or evolution, as being divided into four quarters on a chronological timeline. Our spiritual journey may begin during any stage of life: childhood, mid-life, old age or nearing death. Each stage of development may be of different duration for every person, with the second stage often taking the most time and work.
Here are some of the characteristics of moving from tasting this spiritual awakening to hungering for spiritual growth…
* The first-quarter of spiritual awakening often begins with short glimpses beyond our small self.
* Reaching for the beyond often arises when we cry out for help. The first quarter ends when the longing becomes too strong to remain silent any longer. Spiritual desire becomes a priority in our life.
* The first quarter is spent developing healthy identity, ego and self and learning to survive. However, we later discover our ego mistakenly sees itself as separate from others and from the sacred.
* It is this very sense of incompletion that is at the heart of our yearning for the soul to be heard.
* We seek ways to let go of our known way of being, allowing grace to move us to higher ground.
* The path leading to this first quarter of spirituality may begin as a child being awestruck by nature, being affected in mind, body and/or soul. It may be a sense of connection when we take moments to pause during normal events, glimpses of unbounded love also give us a heightened compassion toward others and our self.
* This moving from tasting to hungering could be initiated by music, which some referred to as the original language of the heart/soul.
* It could be a result of sickness, or a feeling of being both tiny and vast. It is an inner compulsion to seek truth.
* It may be a childhood memory of playing in the ocean, feeling like at some point you might be just a drop of water dissolved into the ocean.
* It may come while reading a book, or hearing somebody speak and your soul asks: “What is real?…I know there’s something more than what I see right now.”
1b) WAKING UP
According to Ken Wilbur, whether conscious of it or not, all members of humanity have the heart-desire to return Home; to return to the glorious abode of Ultimate Reality.
All human beings have an intrinsic desire to know the single, indivisible, Great Sphere of Love from which, into which, and as which all of existence shines forth. All human beings have the desire and opportunity to “wake up”.
Within the context of Integral Theory, “waking up” relates to various state-stages of consciousness. As one awakens, one’s exclusive identification with superficial layers of reality are dismantled. One moves beyond an exclusive identification with thought — to the non-dual base of awareness; a base that naturally and spontaneously manifests as all relative form.
Waking up to this base awareness is fundamental to the New Civilization now emerging on Earth. Waking up to this single sphere, always already perfect exactly as it is, must be our most prominent priority.
FULL STORY
A Brief History of Everything — Ken Wilbur
“A work of unparalleled scope and integrative vision.” — Michael Murphy
“A clarion call for seeing the world as a whole.” — SF Chronicle
INTRODUCTION
Widely acclaimed as the most influential American philosopher of our time, Ken Wilbur greatly expands the meaning of the familiar words of Jesus; “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”
Among the many and diverse levels of truth Ken Wilbur unveils for readers are his four key “quandrants” of human and societal development (see image below) and “nine spheres” of consciousness — which form an integral vision of how to achieve “unity of body, mind, soul and spirit in self, culture and nature.”
It would be hard to imagine any possible bigger picture than the one painted by Wilbur, which incorporates his vast, interconnected “theory of everything”.
“Never before in history has this type of all-level, all-quadrant approach been possible, because never before were all the pieces of the puzzle available,” writes Wilbur.
As comprehensive and potentially complex as Wilbur’s levels, spheres and quadrants at first appear, only a true genius could draw such an all-encompassing philosophical, cultural, economic and spiritual map with such amazing simplicity and clarity.
Healing the Great Gender Divide
Wilbur kicks off his book’s Introduction by offering readers a fresh angle on how to bridge our understanding of the causes and solutions to today’s gender gap.
“Nature did not split the human race into two sexes for no reason,” says Wilbur. “Males are saddled with two major survival drives; mating and killing, thanks to Testosterone…The female drive toward attachment, relationship and nurturing is a result of Oxytocin, the female equivalent hormone.”
According to Wilbur, today “Both men and women are struggling for ways to transcend their old roles without simply erasing them.” This leads to Wilbur’s first major axiom, “Evolution always transcends and includes, incorporates and goes beyond.”
The good news, writes Wilbur, “We are at the point of evolution where the primary sex roles — hyperautonomy for men and hyperrelationship for women — are both being transcended to some degree, with men learning to embrace relational being and women learning to embrace autonomy…This is why kindness on both sides is so important.”
Wilbur writes, “It appears there were certain inescapable circumstances that made “patriarchy” an unavoidable arrangement for an important part of human development, which is no longer necessary, so we can and are beginning to deconstruct patriarchy, more charitably balancing the books between the male and female value spheres…But this is not the undoing of a brutal state of affairs that could easily have been otherwise; it is rather the outgrowing of a state of affairs no longer necessary.”Rather than allowing men to complain about the women’s liberation movement, or women to complain about their victimization at the hands of the male patriarchy, Ken offers a peaceful pathway out of the patriarchal abuses of the past — as well as insight toward greater understanding and embracing of the LGBT movement.
Ken presents an optimistic outlook about the future trajectory of male/female relationships, teaching readers how to value sexuality with a more inclusivity and equal emphasis.
Healing The Great Spiritual Divide
Wilbur next offers readers an olive branch to help heal the great spiritual divide. He boils down the world’s great spiritual traditions and human attempts to comprehend the Divine into two basic categories; “Ascending” and “Descending” — seeking God above the earth and seeking God in the earth.
“The Ascending path is transcendental and otherworldly, usually puritanical and ascetic, yogic, tends to devalue or deny the body, the senses, sexuality, the Earth, the flesh, seeking salvation in a kingdom not of this world. The Ascending path glorifies the One, not the Many; Emptiness, not Form; Heaven, not Earth,” explains Wilbur.
The Descending path seeks just the opposite. “It glorifies the Many, not the One, it celebrates Earth, the body, senses and sexuality. In the West, from the time of Augustine (400 AD) to the time of Copernicus (1450 AD) we have a purely Ascending ideal, otherworldly to the core…But with the rise of modernity (1500 to late-1800s) and postmodernity (mid-20th Century to present) we see a complete and profound reversal. The Ascenders were out, the Descenders were in.”
Wilbur proposes that the great challenge and goal of our generation is to integrate and include the best of both the Ascending and Descending worldviews. To balance both transcendence and immanence, the One and the Many, Emptiness and Form, Heaven and Earth…”this requires integration and Nonduality.”
Nonduality is a key buzzword in the modern “Contemplative” movement toward a more “unitive” worldview by such leaders as; Fr. Richard Rohr, Thomas Keating, Cynthia Bourgeault, James Finley, Wm Paul Young and Brian McLaren, just to name a few. As Rohr simply puts it, “Truth is not either/or, but both/and.”
Wilber views religion as having two primary functions. The first is to create “meaning for the separate self.” The second and mature function of religion is to help individuals transcend that very self. Moving from the small “false” self to the larger “True” self.
“It is in this union of Ascending and Descending currents that harmony is found…it seems that only when both are united that both can be saved…If you and I do not contribute to this union, then it is very possible we will destroy the only Earth we have and forfeit the only Heaven we might otherwise embrace,” He concludes.
We find examples of this type of inclusive worldview in Christ’s prayer for a new kingdom, “On Earth, as it is in Heaven.” Saint Francis of Assisi emphasized this same perspective of seeing God in every single corner of Creation. Spiritual inclusion appears to be the shape of things to come, which is increasingly found in all religions and cultures and is expressed in the universal agreement of “The Golden Rule.”
